3 Tips for Healthy Holiday Boundaries with Difficult People

The holidays are fast approaching, and if you’re anything like me—or many of the women I work with—you might already be feeling a little on edge. The season often means gathering with people who push our buttons, trigger our insecurities, or just don’t respect our boundaries. Sound familiar?

In this post, I’ll walk you through three powerful tips to help you set and maintain boundaries with difficult people—narcissists, emotionally immature relatives, or anyone who challenges your peace of mind. Think of it as your toolkit for navigating the holidays while staying sane, grounded, and, most importantly, true to yourself.

Listen to the full podcast episode "3 Ways To Set & Maintain Healthy Boundaries With Narcissistic Or Emotionally Immature People This Holiday Season" here!

What Comes Up When You Think About Boundaries?

Before we dive into the tips, let’s pause. How do you feel when you think about setting a boundary? For many of us, it feels scary. Maybe you’re worried you’ll come across as a “bitch,” ruin the holidays, or upset people. Those fears are real, especially if you’ve been conditioned to avoid rocking the boat. But boundaries aren’t about being mean—they’re about protecting your peace.

Let’s redefine what boundaries mean and equip you with the tools to enforce them this holiday season.

1. Get Clear on What You Need

You can’t protect your peace if you don’t know what that looks like. Boundaries are rooted in understanding your own needs, wants, and non-negotiables.

Here’s a story from my life that really illustrates this point. After leaving a toxic relationship, I went out for ice cream with friends. Sounds simple, right? But when it was my turn to order, I froze. I literally couldn’t figure out what flavor I wanted and ended up saying, “I’ll have what she’s having.”

That moment hit me hard—I didn’t even know what I wanted, not for something as small as ice cream, let alone the bigger aspects of my life. It was a wake-up call that I needed to reconnect with myself and my needs.

When it comes to holiday gatherings, ask yourself:

• What do I need to feel safe, supported, and at ease?
• Do I need to limit the time I spend there?
• Should I skip the event entirely?
• Do I need an exit plan if someone’s behavior crosses a line?

Getting specific about your needs gives you a foundation for setting boundaries.

2. Regulate Your Nervous System

Setting boundaries can stir up fear, guilt, or anxiety—especially if you’re used to prioritizing others’ needs over your own. Regulating your nervous system is essential to staying calm and confident as you assert yourself.

Here are some tools to try:

• EFT Tapping: This therapeutic technique involves tapping on specific acupressure points to calm your nervous system. It’s been a game-changer for me and many of my clients. If you’re curious, check out Episode 40, where I dive deeper into EFT and how it can help you build self-trust.
• Box Breathing: This simple breathing technique helps bring your nervous system back into balance. Inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat until you feel more centered.
• Nature Walks: Stepping outside, even for a quick walk around the block, can work wonders for your nervous system. Nature has a calming effect, and the movement helps regulate your emotions.

Pro tip: These techniques aren’t just for before you set boundaries. Use them afterward, too, especially if someone reacts poorly to your boundary.

3. Know the Difference Between a Boundary and a Request

Here’s the thing: boundaries aren’t about controlling someone else’s behavior—they’re about controlling your own response.

A request sounds like: “Please don’t talk about my body. It makes me uncomfortable.”

A boundary sounds like: “If you comment on my body, I will leave the party.”

See the difference? A boundary is an action you will take, regardless of how the other person behaves.

Let’s say you’re attending a holiday gathering, and there’s a family member who always makes inappropriate comments about your body. You might set the boundary like this:

“I just want to let you know that if you comment on my body, I’ll leave the party.”

You’re not begging them to stop or hoping they’ll change—you’re simply stating your action if they cross your line.

The key to effective boundaries is follow-through. If they make a comment, you must leave. It’s that simple—and that empowering.

A Word of Caution: Boundaries Can Disrupt Dynamics

When you start setting boundaries, especially with people who are used to walking all over you, it can shake things up. Narcissistic or emotionally immature individuals often thrive on control and validation. They’re not going to like it when you take your power back.

This is why it’s so important to have a safety plan in place if you’re dealing with someone abusive. Identify a supportive friend or family member you can call, have a safe place to go, and know that your well-being is worth the effort it takes to protect it.

If you’re in a situation where you fear for your safety, please reach out to a trusted resource like the National Domestic Violence Hotline. You are not alone.

Final Thoughts: You’ve Got This

Setting boundaries isn’t always easy, but it’s one of the most loving things you can do for yourself. To recap:

1. Get clear on what you need to feel safe, supported, and loved.
2. Regulate your nervous system before and after setting a boundary.
3. Understand the difference between a boundary and a request, and follow through with your actions.

For more on building self-trust and regulating your nervous system, check out Episode 40: Finding Self Love & Trust in Yourself So You Can Have Healthy Relationships & Increase Your Self-Esteem With EFT Tapping.

As always, I’m here for you, and you are not alone in this journey. I have been right where you are, head-scratching, guilt tripping, and confused as to what a healthy relationship should even look like.


If you’re ready to explore these tools further, fill out my interest form to connect.

Let’s reclaim our peace this holiday season. 💛