6 Strategies to Communicate Healthfully With Your Partner

If you haven't yet heard me yell from the rooftops just how important communication is in a relationship, listen up 📣 sister!

Communication is a cornerstone of a healthy and successful relationship for all of these ridiculously true + beautiful reasons:

• Vulnerable communication helps us bond emotionally and feel super intimate 🥰 with our person 
  
  
• Open communication lets you air out conflicts, find common ground, and be a teammate 👏🏻 with your favorite teammate to resolve issues
  
  
• Effective communication prevents misunderstandings 😒 or whoopsie-I-didn't-mean-to-hurt-your-feelings things from escalating into larger problems
  
  
• Transparent and honest communication builds trust over time 🤝when partners can share truths without a fear of judgment
  
  
• Sharing thoughts, dreams, and fears creates strength 💪🏻 in your unit, and gives you the ability to evolve together toward a shared dreamy vision

While miscommunication, or a lack of communication can lead to litany of issues, including passively aggressively sending the, "I'm fine" text message (while you're really boiling 🤬 inside).

Communication is the foundation upon which strong and enduring connections are built. Or, upon which a potentially beautiful relationship crumbles.

And it might be hard to communicate what you need to if you've been through a painful, confusing relationship in the past.

So how do you actually do it?!

Here are 6 strategies to consciously incorporate with your partner so you can communicate in a more, I've-got-your-back-and-we'll-get-through-anything kind of way 💕.

6 Strategies to Healthfully Communicate Your Feelings with Your Partner

1. Use "I" Statements

Frame your feelings using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory or placing blame. This way, you take ownership of your emotions and make it easier for him to understand your perspective, without feeling defensive. Which equals a more collaborate atmosphere.

Think about it, would YOU want someone coming at you with their blamey words shaking their finger in your face? I didn't think so.

Try it! This can be done by using the framing statement, "When ____ happened, I felt ____", instead of "You did ____ and made me feel _____."

2. Regular Check-Ins

You check-in with your boss, trainer, colleagues, etc... and relationship check-ins are just as helpful. If you regularly schedule structured time to talk things through, you can nip the little frustration seedlings in the bud 🌱 so they don't grow into resentment weeds that choke out your loving garden.

Try it! It doesn't have to be hours — try coming up with a simple formula for these check-ins. For example, each Sunday morning over pancakes and coffee, you each share 1 thing that's going well (aka a win), 1 thing you'd like to improve or could use more support with (aka a need), and 1 thing you're looking forward to experiencing together (aka a reminder that you're still loving your future together).

3. Active (Drop the Assumptions) Listening

You want him to listen to your feelings, right? It's important to give your guy space so he feels safe sharing with you, too. So, in conversations with him, actively practice listening without interrupting or assuming. This will allow you to actually absorb what he is saying, and then inquire further - bumping up your emotional connection and maybe realizing even further how f*cking cool he is.

Try it! Instead of jumping in with a solution to his feelings (even though you don't want him to feel frustrated with his boss, for example), use the phrase "That makes sense that you'd feel ____." It goes a long way to calming nervous systems, validating little selves to feel safe and seen, and allowing real-deal intimacy.

4. Express Needs and Expectations

Clarity is kind. Yes? You hate when people are vague saying things like, "It's no big deal, I just feel like I am swimming in 75 to-do lists, but I know you're super busy and I don't want to bug you. I don't need anything... it's really okay, it's just so much." So, start to express YOUR needs and expectations more clearly - like you deserve them, dammit! It will create an environment that encourages him to also open up express his needs + expectations, and viola! Both of you feel heard, valued and supported.

Try it! Confidently say, "I would like ____",  instead of passive aggressive comments or wishy-washy statements where you expect him to read your mind, testing him to see if he leaps at the occasion to make you happy.

5. Choosing the Right Time and Place

Timing is important when discussing feelings. You both need to be 100% tuned in to the convo (not watching a movie or scrolling on your phone) and in a neutral emotional place (not fuming). Which means, you have to first ask your partner if it is a good time to talk, and not bombard them as the walk in the door carrying 7 bags of groceries while your little one is melting down. This ensures you can give each other the time and space needed to express yourselves.

Try it! This can be done by even just asking, "I'd like to talk about ____ with you when you have the bandwidth. If now's not a good time for you, when would work better?" And then being sure to set a future time you both agree to revisit!

6. Seek Solutions Together

In partnerships, we sign up for a teammate (hopefully the badass kind that helps you keep winning). So remember, you're on the same team. It's you two vs. the problem, not you vs. him! Even when he's driving you crazy. Even when you have to repeat the same thing for the one-millionth time. Approach your discussions by seeking to understand where your partner is coming from, and then problem-solving where you aren't seeing eye-to-eye.

Try it! Open conversations with the question, "I love you and this relationship is important to me. I want to hear where you are coming from so we can find a solution together", and see how that shit transforms the way conflicts are solved.

It's totally mindboggling 🤯 to me that we aren't taught these crucial skills in school! So be sweet to yourself as you are learning something new, okay?

Communication that is open, honest, and supportive (from both sides) strengthens connections, navigates challenges, and allows us to build a better family/life/world.

Oooh I'm excited to see how these strategies go for you! ❤️

And if you need help not letting anxiety run the show and staying calm during hard conversations, fill out this coaching interest form we can hop on a call and do some nervous system regulation around expression together.