Signs You've Been Deceived in a Narcissistic Relationship

If you’ve ever felt like your relationship was straight out of a psychological thriller—complete with unexpected plot twists, love-bombing villains, and a lot of unanswered questions—you’re not alone.

In Episode 47 of Heartbreak to Wholeness, I sat down with Hilary Buckwalter-Wilde to dive into one of the most disorienting parts of healing from a narcissistic relationship: reconciling the deception. Together, we unpacked her story, and let me tell you, it’s equal parts heartbreaking and relatable.

Let’s break down some of the key takeaways from our conversation.

Listen to the episode here!

The Masks They Wear

One of the hardest questions to grapple with after leaving a narcissistic relationship is: Was any of it real? Narcissists have a way of crafting a perfect facade, pulling you into their world of illusions during the love-bombing phase. It’s not just compliments or grand gestures—it’s a strategy to make you feel like you’ve met your soulmate.

Hilary shared how her ex mirrored her every interest, down to their favorite foods and travel destinations. He created a dream life they would share—plans for a cabin, a yoga studio, even retreats in Mexico. It all felt so real... until it wasn’t. The mask started to slip, revealing a completely different person underneath.

Love Bombing: When Romance Feels Too Good to Be True

Love bombing isn’t just over-the-top affection; it’s emotional manipulation. Hilary described being showered with constant texts (40+ heart emojis per message!) and grand declarations of love. It was intoxicating, but there was always a price. If she didn’t reciprocate with the same intensity, he made sure she felt it.

I’ve been there too. When someone tells you they’re your soulmate or “the love of your life” within weeks, it’s easy to believe it’s fate. But that tidal wave of attention is often masking something deeper—and more dangerous.

The Red Flags We Ignore

Here’s the kicker: Hilary’s ex told her exactly who he was on their first date. He admitted to affairs, restraining orders, and harming others, but wrapped it all in a redemption story. He claimed to have changed, to be healing and better than ever. And Hilary, like so many of us, wanted to believe him.

I’ve seen this pattern over and over: as compassionate, empathetic people, we want to give others the benefit of the doubt. But when someone shows you their true colors—whether it’s misogynistic comments, jealousy, or controlling behavior—trust your gut. Your intuition knows what’s up, even if your heart doesn’t want to see it yet.

Why We Stay: Healing the Worthiness Wound

Hilary’s story also revealed something I hear from so many women I work with: a deep desire to be chosen, loved, and validated. That’s where narcissists hook us—by playing into our worthiness wounds. They create a rollercoaster dynamic where every morsel of attention feels like a lifeline.

I’ve been there too. That need for validation can blind us to the red flags and keep us stuck in a cycle of hope and despair. But here’s the good news: once we heal those wounds and learn to validate ourselves, we become untouchable. We no longer seek love from someone who’s incapable of giving it.

Key Lessons from This Episode

• Love bombing is a red flag, not a fairytale. Too much, too soon is a sign of manipulation, not romance.
• Actions speak louder than words. If someone says they’ve changed, let their behavior prove it over time.
• Trust your intuition. Your body often knows the truth before your mind catches up.
• Healing is possible. When you work on your own worthiness and boundaries, you can build relationships rooted in mutual respect and love.

Hilary’s story is a powerful reminder that we’re not alone in this journey. And while it’s painful to look back and see what we couldn’t see before, it’s also an opportunity to grow and reclaim our power.

Next Steps in Your Healing

• Listen to Part 2 of Hilary’s Story: How Narcissists Use Sex as Manipulation & Control in Toxic Relationships. Trust me, you don’t want to miss it.
• Want support on your journey? Fill out this interest form to explore how I can help you heal, rebuild your confidence, and move forward with clarity.

You’re not alone in this. Healing is hard, but it’s worth it—and I’m here to walk with you every step of the way. Let’s do this together.