The Truth About Healing From the Narcissistic Mindf*ck & Why It Can Feel Hard to Love Yourself Again (My Story)

You know that feeling when you wake up one day and realize your entire relationship was a carefully crafted psychological maze designed by someone who seemed to adore you—but was actually just a magician of manipulation? Yeah. Same.

I want you to know upfront: you are not crazy. You didn’t imagine the gaslighting, the betrayal, the emotional whiplash. You didn’t make it all up. And if you’re sitting in the wreckage wondering how the hell you’re supposed to love yourself again after that mess, you’re in the right place.

This is my story. And I’m sharing it because I know how lonely it feels to pick up the pieces after a narcissistic relationship. But I also know what it’s like to come out on the other side.

Listen to the full episode "The Truth About Healing From The Narcissistic Mindf*ck & Why It Can Feel Hard to Love Yourself Again (My Story)" here!

The Beginning: When "Love" Felt Like a Fairy Tale

When I met my ex, it felt like I had walked into the greatest romance ever written. He put me on a pedestal so high, I was practically in space. He listened intently, mirrored my every thought, sent me long, poetic texts, and made me feel like I was the love of his life. The flowers. The deep talks. The promises. It was intoxicating.

And then, slowly, the pedestal turned into a cage.

It started with tiny things—disagreements I wasn’t allowed to have, feelings that were “too much,” subtle dismissals of my intuition. He started rewriting reality in front of my face, and I started believing him.

“You’re overreacting.”

“That never happened.”

“You’re ruining everything with your feelings.”

If you've been there, you know: one day, you're the love of their life. The next, you're the villain in a story you don’t even remember writing.

The Middle: When Love Started to Feel Like a Job I Was Failing At

I went from feeling like the most cherished woman on earth to tiptoeing through conversations, trying not to "ruin" the weekend. I stopped bringing up concerns because the backlash wasn’t worth it. I thought if I could just need less, he would love me more.

So I shrunk myself. I made myself small. And in the process, I started disappearing.

I remember telling my therapist, “Maybe I just need to lower my expectations to a four. Then I won’t be disappointed.”

Let that sink in. I was bargaining away my happiness for crumbs. And still, it wasn’t enough for him.

The Breaking Point: When I Finally Saw the Truth

One day, my therapist asked me a simple question: "What do you like about him?"

I opened my mouth. And nothing came out.

Nothing.

I had been holding onto the memory of who he was in the beginning—the fantasy, the potential. But when I looked at our relationship as it was right now, I realized I didn’t like him at all. I wasn’t even sure if I liked myself anymore.

That moment cracked something open in me. I started setting boundaries (spoiler: he did not like that). I stopped explaining myself. I started reclaiming my voice. And when I finally said the words—“This is over”—it felt like I had stepped out of a fog I didn’t even realize I was in.

The Aftermath: When Leaving Feels Like Both Freedom and Grief

Leaving was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And even though I knew I never wanted to go back, I still missed him.

That’s the mindf*ck of a narcissistic relationship. You grieve the person they pretended to be. You miss the dream they sold you. And then you feel ashamed for missing someone who hurt you so badly. It’s a vicious loop.

But here’s the truth: missing them doesn’t mean you should be with them. It just means you’re human. It means you gave real love to someone who didn’t deserve it.

And it means you have the capacity to love again—this time, with someone who actually knows how to love you back.

The Other Side: When Love Feels Like Safety, Not Survival

Fast forward to today, and I’m in a relationship that would have made the past version of me roll her eyes in disbelief. A relationship where I feel safe. Where I don’t have to explain why my feelings matter. Where I don’t have to play detective to figure out if I'm being lied to.

It turns out, love isn’t supposed to feel like a constant high or a slow-burning hell. It’s supposed to feel like home.

And I want that for you, too.

If You’re Ready to Start Healing, Here’s What’s Next

1. Listen to Episode 40: Finding Self-Love & Trust in Yourself – This episode will walk you through how to rebuild your self-esteem and learn to trust yourself again using EFT tapping. Listen here.

2. Get Support on Your Healing Journey – If this blog resonated with you and you’re ready to dive deeper, fill out this interest form to see how we can work together.

3. Know That You Are Not Alone – I promise you, healing is possible. And it’s worth it. Until you can believe in your worth fully, I will hold that belief for you.
   
   

Sending you so much love. You’ve got this. And you are not alone.